I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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