The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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