im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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