I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
