I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I look better un-naked...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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