If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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