i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
