If i come over, it means nothing
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
