Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
