just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
