I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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