There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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