Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
