im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
