I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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