I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
