Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
