Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
