I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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