You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
