And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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