Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
