3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
