I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
