I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
