pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
kristin has been a bad kristin
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
