Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
