Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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