Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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