did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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