That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
