and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
