I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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