I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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