Dual....:-)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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