Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
