why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
