I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
