I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
