found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
