no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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