my being single is dangerous.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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