his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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