no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
