If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
smell my finger.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
