Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
