well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
