Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
