In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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