you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
