hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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