i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I will be naked everywhere
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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