How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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