i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
