I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
