Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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