So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
