Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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