the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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