if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
