she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
