Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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