She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
