She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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