he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
