Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
