There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
