apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
